In truth

I was a little embarassed when you read this. I spew on this blog. I really do. But you've apologised when there's no real need for you to do so. It takes something, to come to me with a white flag despite the vitriol I've thrown.

I wish I could forgive. I really do.

I've told you all of this already. You've accepted me despite that.

There was a time when I would have, just because forgiving would have been the right thing to do. I've changed, and this is one of many ways that isn't good.

You don't get any consideration because I never got any. There was a time when I'd find such an argument abhorrent. Its cold, cruel and heartless. Unfortunately its what I think, and this is me feeling guilty at not feeling guilty about it.

Sigh.

I've become the people who hurt me. The same callous disregard, the same inflated value of my own feelings. Coupled with the realisation that you can be all of those things and still believe yourself to be perfectly pious. They made it look alright. Its added to my general cynicism.

Sigh.