In truth

I was a little embarassed when you read this. I spew on this blog. I really do. But you've apologised when there's no real need for you to do so. It takes something, to come to me with a white flag despite the vitriol I've thrown.

I wish I could forgive. I really do.

I've told you all of this already. You've accepted me despite that.

There was a time when I would have, just because forgiving would have been the right thing to do. I've changed, and this is one of many ways that isn't good.

You don't get any consideration because I never got any. There was a time when I'd find such an argument abhorrent. Its cold, cruel and heartless. Unfortunately its what I think, and this is me feeling guilty at not feeling guilty about it.

Sigh.

I've become the people who hurt me. The same callous disregard, the same inflated value of my own feelings. Coupled with the realisation that you can be all of those things and still believe yourself to be perfectly pious. They made it look alright. Its added to my general cynicism.

Sigh.

Teehee

Is that a totally awesome smiley or what?

MINE! MINE! MINE!

I BE TAKIN IT TO WORK TOO!

WHEEEEEE!

IS SAME COLOUR TOO!

MINE MINE MINE

Bleh

I haven't felt like writing in a while. Still don't.

Bleh.

That said, Nair has grown into the kind who can just wake up one day and go into court without a problem, reasonably confident of handling what comes his way. Yes, there will be days when I look a right mug, but godwilling I'll survive.

I can also drop out of the sky into an unfamiliar courtroom and do a decent job. I'm a decent lawyer, I think. I'm organized and reasonably efficient. I work hard, ummmm...when its me appearing. I don't really bother that much when its not me being the spearhead. True. I should work on this.

I'm a lousy networker though. What's to be done?

I'm also fat. FAT FAT FAT!

Sigh. There's only so much time I can spend in the gym. Its boooooooooooooring!

There's only so much food I can give up too.

Sniff.

Goodbye happy potatoes. :(.

Its also official. Madras has the most rabid advocates, and the lousiest courtrooms. Is why going on my all expense paid trips here and there to argue is so much easier. Things are just not as rough as well.... maybe Delhi. Or Bombay. Is that what they mean when they say standards at the Bar?

Is like what they say of New York. If you make it here, you can make it anywhere. Bangalore and Hyderabad are a cakewalk compared to this.

But, I'm not complaining. With any luck, I'll win. It seemed alright with the judge on my side. For the most part anyway. Whether its the articulation, or the skin colour, or the organization with which arguments are presented, or the sheer work that goes into preparing additional paperwork just for the judge, judges seem to like me.

Its a useful feeling. I have credibility. I don't make dumb arguments. I don't argue when I think I don't have an argument. It helps, I suppose. I just hope things work out for me on this basis, and that I don't get swallowed up by the sharks. I've managed to be reasonably ethical so far.

On the subject of sharks, stop whining ok? I've been busy. And I'm getting busier. Boycott's been lifted. And there's that other thing. Sigh. That other thing. Sends shivers down the spine. So...show some understanding.

Or I shall insist you rename your blog to something on the lines "Look at him, he's so awful to me. Won't somebody do something? Bachao, Kaapaathunge" or something.

Boo.

Sons Of Shankly

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, is habitually expressed without fear or trepidation, and is often influenced by those who have gone before.

Much have I travelled.

And much have I seen.

Through dim and flaring light, I have absorbed and inhaled laughter lines and forward lines, drawn battle lines across time lines, and followed lay lines through good times and bad.

And that fine line between success and failure exposes raw emotion

of men and mortals and passing resemblances

of place and culture and jaw-dropping, heart-swelling moments.

It gets under the skin.

It leaves its mark.

And is worn with pride.

Five stars flicker in the firmament, burn the memory

and warm a deep and unconditional love

that serves to remind us

through introspection and eruption

that all we need

tonight, perhaps more than ever

is each other.